Hello Death

Oh, you bastard
You utter, utter bastard
How will I live now
Knowing that you are there
Since I turned that corner
And stared you in your
Ugly bastard face

Even as a child I sort of knew
There was the witch in
Hansel and Gretel
The cat that did not come
home from the vet
And grandma's funeral
All gone to another place
Called 'dead'.

I knew about you from way back
But then you were an idea
A far off land where I might
Travel in some vague
Never to be reached future
In the meantime I could climb
Trees, buildings, rockfaces
Confident that you were far away

Hacking through traffic at
70 miles an hour with as many
Near misses as miles
Footrests raising sparks on corners
And skidding, sliding, tumbling
Noticing the weather in mid-crash
With never a thought of you

Then came that fateful night
I wasn't even doing anything dangerous
(Or so I thought)
Just a bit of idle philosophizing
I wandered round a mental corner
And there you were waiting
Where you'd always been

Waiting in a future that
I now know will come
Waiting to snatch away
Everything I have
And everything I am
To discard me in the
Rubbish bin of time

There are no more corners
You are straight ahead now
I can look away
But I cannot unsee you
You are in my mind
There is no way out
And no way back

What growth awaits me as I
Come to terms with your inevitability?
What energy to find some
Personal meaning and finally
Define myself?
What insights and wisdom
Now lay within my grasp?

Fuck growth, fuck meaning
And fuck you, you bastard
I want to go back to
Blissful ignorance
I want to live like
I'm going to live forever
Oh God! Make me young